Bad things have to happen at home when I’m in China. I call home about five times a day just to be updated. It sucks when there’s nothing I can do except for worrying. I wish I am in sg, at least I could help. At least, I’m with my family. & now I have absolutely no idea what’s going to happen and it’s terrifying. Please please please just let everything be okay. It’s been so long since I’ve heard news that are assuring.
Sigh.
it hit me that I’m really leaving, and I am so unprepared. just came back from Miri this morning and had been way too exhausted to start packing anything. every night I countdown and I think bout my family and it makes me not want to go. how can I leave for so long when there are people here who needs me to take care of them and giving them emotional and physical support? I feel so bad leaving at a time like this, when everything is unsure and everyone’s still so worried. 18 weeks should fly by real quick, I kept telling myself that, but I’m the only person who doesn’t believe in that. Truth is, I’m pretty excited in leaving. I love traveling and this is my chance to go out there and experience the cold weather, their food, their lifestyle. Also to know how is it like studying abroad, staying in a hostel cus these two things are smthg which I wouldn’t try if I had a chance. I am too homely. My friends, they can’t wait to go there bc they wanna enjoy their freedom. But I don’t need that, I already have my freedom, I need my family more than I need freedom. My head is aching like nobody’s business but I can’t bear to sleep. Cus tomorrow’s my last day in Singapore and I’m worried bout something. Wish this trip happened two years ago, then, I could leave without a care in the world.
I guess it’s just my emotional self typing away. Missing Leong and overthinking in the middle of the night. I’ll just watch a couple of episodes of friends to cheer me up before I head to bed with my exploding head.
Smudged. 