All your life you’ve waited
For love to come and stay
And now that I have found you
You must not slip away
I know it’s hard believin’
The words you’ve heard before
But darlin’ you must trust them just once more
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‘Cause baby, goodbye doesn’t mean forever
Let me tell you
Goodbye doesn’t mean
We’ll never be together again
If you wake up and I’m not there
I won’t be long away
‘Cause the things you do my goodbye girl
Will bring me back to you
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I want to stop buying that many clothes, I want to stop spending so much money unnecessarily, I want to work extra hard at tutoring, I want to set aside a few hundred bucks aside every month so that I’ll have a pile of cash in a bank account solely for flying over to be with my baby every. single. month. Yes, I am going to do that. Because I want to be able to fly to him whenever I can and not needing to fret over cash problems. I want to see him every month!!!
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MOST IMPORTANTLY…… I WANT TO WIN SCRATCH IT’S $60000 SO I DONT HAVE TO SCRIMP AND SAVE TO BE ABLE TO FLY TO HIM EVERY. SINGLE. MONTH!!!
for two main reasons.
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Being in a long-distance relationship is tough. Especially for a girl like me. I’ve been well-protected since young and yes you can always say that I’m a little spoilt. I’m used to having other people doing things for me, or doing things with me. I was never alone. When I got together with Leong, I knew he was my angel. Firstly, he saved me from the hell of a 2-year -old relationship. Secondly, he’s the perfect catch (at least for me). He’s the kind of person I can never be – he cooks excellently, he does all the household chores, he knows how to sew, he is so good with the folks and random strangers. He’s everything that I’m not. I’m the lazy bum girl who doesn’t have to do anything at home, and very very dependent. When he moved in with me, I became even more spoilt, because he spoils me even more than my family does. He did everything for me, he’s there at my beck and call, and even have to give in when I throw stupid tantrums.
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So, you can imagine how devastated I was when he left, just like that.
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In a few months, I became a totally different person… in some ways. In the past, I’d never go out alone or even eat alone. Whenever I go out on my own, I’ll need to meet someone afterwards. But after he went back home, I have to learn everything by myself cus no one was there to spoil me rotten anymore. Yes no doubt, my parents still do. But it’s different having a boyfriend doing things for you and having your parents doting on you.
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It’s almost a year since he’s left for home. I’ve become so used to solitary sometimes I only feel comfortable being on my own. It freaks me out seeing the change in me. But you know what, everytime I have learned to embrace the solitary, I meet Leong and then everything falls apart. All my strength, all my independence starts to melt away. He’d be with me almost 24/7, pampering me and showering me with love. Whenever we come back from shopping trips, I’ll be lying on our bed, playing with my iphone and just chatting with him without noticing what he’s doing. And the next morning, I’ll find our shopping bags miraculously emptied and with my stuff and his separated and placed nicely on my desk… without even having to do anything. That’s who he is, and that’s how he treats me. Sweet, and caring. And loving me 100% for who I am.
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I’m so happy I’ve got you.
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The past three weeks, we have been inseparable. From Miri to Singapore, we have stuck together throughout. This afternoon, he left for home and my heart aches. Not because I don’t have anyone to do chores for me anymore. But that I have to start picking myself up and embrace solitary all over again. It’s a cycle… a vicious one and I certainly doesn’t like it. Having someone to accompany you wherever you go… hands to hold when you strut down the streets, arms to cling on when you’re on the bus. And then when tomorrow comes, it will be just me, alone, again.
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And I miss him, I miss having him around, I miss everything about him. As I type, I wished he would walk through that damn door and smile at me and come over and give me a hug. But he’s there and I’m here. We are a thousand miles apart and that wish of mine is not going to happen.
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As a pair of couple in a long-distance relationship, we went to watch “Going the distance” on the last night he’s here. It’s a movie about long-distance relationship and I kept crying throughout even though it was a rom-com. People who aren’t going through it might not get it, but every scene when he drives her to the airport and saying goodbyes to each other are so real. It happens. And it’s so saddening. But in the movie when one of the friend says long-distance relationships aren’t going to work out, his other friend said “Well maybe that’s because you haven’t met the right one yet”. And that’s so true, I have met the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, and we are going to survive this, no matter how tough or how heartaching it is.
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I’m sorry that I’ve typed a whole chunk, I really needed a space to voice out all my thoughts. Today was really depressing. Just when I thought I could turn to my best friend for solace after Leong left, she broke to me that our ex-colleague has passed away. She’s only 38. But the saddest thing is that, I’ve only told Leong that we should visit her on Friday and probably on Sunday, she has left.
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I wasn’t really close to her when we worked together, to be honest. But we had our share of fun. Working in Hip diners’ was really enjoyable bc of the team of colleagues we had there, we bonded and we were close. Wan and I visited her during June before her operation and she seemed fine but she has already joked about her being dead. We dreaded that but we joked back with her anyways. Three months later, she’s gone. When Leong and I first got together, she didn’t quite think we’re going to make it. So I told Leong, when we get married, we definitely have to invite her to prove her wrong. But see… we don’t have a chance to do that anymore.
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I kind of resent myself for not insisting on visiting her. It’d be nice to see an old friend for one last time before she leaves. But on the other hand, I thought it might hurt seeing her being ill-stricken as she already looked feeble even before she was sick. I’ll be paying her a very last visit tomorrow morning and I hope that I won’t cry.
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😦
Smudged. 